I get this - this makes sense. If I can't take this breath right now, I'm pretty much knackered, so it has to be the only one that really matters. Fear isn't real - because it's always about some point in the future which isn't happening now. When I get there, I will deal with it, so worrying now is pointless. We are always on a journey of some kind, and in each moment we can change direction with that single step. Don't like where I'm going? Okay - step another way. Don't know how I'm going to make this work? Not to worry, I'll just do what I can right now to help me towards that first step. Sounds so easy...
But energy is a curious business. It seems we either have it, or we don't. Without it everything becomes so difficult. With it - life's quirkiness is a breeze! It is perfectly possible to feel as if the body can do no more. Life has been hard and it's been a long day, and all we want to do is crawl into bed and die.. But it is also perfectly possible, with the right trigger - enthusiasm for example - to fuel up in an instant, and before you know it be leaping about like a child.
If your partner opened the bedroom door and said "Honey, I just checked the lottery numbers - and guess what?!" it is unlikely that anyone would remain beneath the duvet, partially comatose and disinterested in life and the future. All of a sudden the proverbial rocket would have been inserted and inertia and exhaustion would be nothing but a distant memory. Like magic, life would be coursing through like the Colorado in spate - and nothing could stop the desires springing forth.
So it's all in the mind then isn't it?! It has to be. All the pain, all the tiredness, all the 'too old' and 'too sick' to have fun - all the reasons not to join in with life - all these things have to be nothing more than thoughts we choose to think.
Wow... that feels like heavy responsibility - that feels like it's all down to me! Can't I blame the weight of the passing years? Can't I blame the slings and arrows that have wounded my pride so bitterly? Can't I lie here moaning that it's 'not fair!', pointing the finger at all those uncaring bastards that have made my life so difficult! Can't I blame Fate?
When we stop blaming and being so scared all the time, things change. After all no one gets out of here alive - no one! Not the healthiest, fittest, wealthiest, most privileged asshole you can think of - none of us wriggle out of the scrap heap in the end. So what are we afraid of?
We can stay at home, feed our fish, have our cocoa and watch mindless tv... but no matter how safe we play it, the same end awaits us as those who step out onto the ledge, have-a-go, and walk into the unknown. It's all the same to the Universe.