My children, when they were small, would play amongst these moss covered trees, climbing and swinging from the branches that stretch away from the prevailing westerly winds. Their happy, excited voices would ring out across the moor, no one to hear them but a few sheep... and me.
Now, and not so long ago, my little grandsons climbed across these gnarled old roots, and when I watched them I knew, deep down inside, no time had passed at all. It was a comfort in a strange and lasting way.
Today there were no little children playing. Today it was quiet save the wind trembling the autumn leaves - the sturdy, graceful beech trees that hold on to their dressing as long as they can. The moss, covering nearly everything at present, was bursting with moisture, deep, green and luscious, and I sat on the leeward side of the remains of this old, old hedge to offer my thoughts to the enchantment of this special place.
Suddenly I felt so sad! And I felt so ashamed... It all came out in a rush which took me by surprise. I can only assume my guard was down and I was ready to feel these things. Some people have told me there has always been a touch of sadness about me, but I have never known it - until today. This sadness isn't the sadness that comes and goes - like any other of the many emotions we feel each day. This sadness is so deep it has sat like a quiet pool in the centre of my being. Still and fathomless, I realise this watery portal has swallowed my joy and excitement for a very long time. I blink at Life, and so quickly all becomes lost under this glassy, mirrored surface - as if amnesia has taken it, and all the happy things I thought i knew have never been. I looked into the silent pool today and wondered where all this sadness could have come from. A pool of tears! Was this my river of life that should have flowed with opportunity and Love, blocked my some long forgotten event?
An answer sprang out at me, and the tears that followed were so harsh they stung like acid. 'Shame' I heard. 'Shame on you! Shame for being a human having done the things you have!' I felt the sadness of an Earth we humans have abused beyond belief. I felt the shame of being part of a race that is so blind, psychotic and uncaring it will continue to fight and mutilate itself and it's own mother even unto extinction.
No wonder I have been so sad inside...
My daughter who has autism came up to me and asked if I was okay. She then told me of a story she thought would be a good solution. All the adults in the world should disappear except the indigenous peoples and those who understand how to live in harmony with the land . Everyone else should just vanish - be gone. All children of the world should remain to live and thrive on the Earth in the care of those who understand. It would be like starting all over again.
She's right of course. What use are those of us who do not know how to care for ourselves or our beautiful Planet? All we know is how to consume, how to take, how to destroy; and we teach our precious children to do the same... generation after generation... unconscious and blind. It's very sad when you come to think of it. No wonder the pool of tears has been there so long...
Now I've owned it, this sadness and shame, I need to Love it. I need to actually Love the feelings that have haunted my happiness and prevented unbridled joy. Can I do that? Can I forgive myself for being human? Can I?
I know there IS good in us, and there is love - we are just so fast asleep we cannot see or remember it. But we must remember, we must wake up, and soon before we all drown in our own sadness and that of our neglected Mother.
Under every pool of tears lies a wellspring of passion and purpose. We just have to love our sadness and shame so much, they burst through the illusion and change into a light so bright our slumber will be over... forever.