Do they get under my feet and drive me mad? They sure do. Do I love them?
Of course I do :-)
Dog on the right is mine (or am I his?), dog on the left (with very small legs) isn't mine, he belongs to my neighbours who are elderly and poorly. Dog on the left (lets call him Willow) is very bright, very cute and would be in charge if he had a zillionth of a chance. Willow is being fostered by me. I have decided to call it fostering so that it keeps in my mind, in the end, he will go home - even if it's only next door - and so, in theory, I shouldn't form too much of an attachment. Willow is having a major detox. He is at the canine equivalent of a Health/Fat Farm. His owners, who love him to pieces, tend to love him a bit too much with treats and goodies, and when he came to me he was a little hyperactive and quite a bit podgy. Now he has buns of steel and falls asleep at the end of his day like a little angel. (Should anyone care, my buns are coming along quite nicely too). My walks have increased 100%, and now dog on the right is knackered and legless most of the time. They are of an age, so really, dog on the right (lets call him Buster - because that is his name) shouldn't be knackered and legless, he should be wired and taught like Willow. But no. He is a different breed you see. Buster is bred for lounging about and cooking his brains against the radiator. He is not built for anything remotely athletic. Yes, there is springer in his parentage, but that has only influenced his questionable thinking - physically he doesn't have the equipment for anything apart from his dinner. Willow is a little star - I love his interest and his cleverness. He thinks. Buster is still wondering what he had for breakfast. (Here's a clue B - same as tea, same as supper).
Do they get under my feet and drive me mad? They sure do. Do I love them?
Of course I do :-)
When I took this picture I was considering the torment that comes with the need to be 'right'. Why do we need to be 'right'? Why do we need others to confirm what is, after all, our Truth and not theirs?
The need to be right is surely at the root of all discord across this planet. My beliefs are the right ones! My religion is the right one! My country, my race, my gender... All these things we feel we need to enforce with 'rightness'. We will even sacrifice our own life, and put others in danger, in order to defend this belief in being right.
But how can we know another's truth? And why is our right better than theirs? Why do we need validation in the first place, and why do we need to judge others whose right is not as ours?
We are different from one another. All of us are different - our very structure is different. We are not the same, one size does not fit all. Why can we not be content, and even in awe of the diversity that we are?
When someone steps up and shares their truth, it is often met with distrust, condemnation and sometimes even aggression. It is as if the difference in another is a threat in some way, and the fear of opening the mind might mean a loss of power. It is as if to embrace another's diversity means to diminish oneself.
How can we grow if we do not embrace all life? How can we hope for a loving, thriving world if we refuse to accept the wholeness of others?
It starts with ourselves.
To set aside the need to be right, immediately brings an end to the torment.
I do not need to be right.
'wise men do not need to prove a point...' Lao Tzu
I do so hope to become the wiser...
This picture has got them talking on facebook! I took it yesterday afternoon. It is still on my camera and for the time being, I think it will stay on my camera! It was such a beautiful day here in north devon, really hot with the sun shining bright and energetic from a clear blue sky. Looking for cool and green, I took a walk in the woods with my daughter and the dogs.
The light through the trees was just amazing and I started taking pictures. The river runs through the woodland at this point and the path winds gently up the hill alongside it - the energy here is powerful and playful. I stopped, because the shaft of sunlight illuminated the base of this tree and it really caught my attention. I took this picture and then another straight away. I often take two pictures in a row because it is often interesting to note the differences a few seconds can make. I walked on and took many other photos, it was peaceful, blissful and welcoming - it felt just heavenly. When I got home I checked the pictures and saw this one. I thought I must have shaken the camera somehow, (although I've never done it before) and so I tried to recreate something similar - but was unable to. This seems to be something very unique. I can hardly look at it without feeling woozy! Friends tell me this is a portal to other worlds, a doorway to other dimensions, tree energy, and a torsion vortex. As always, with all the anomalies I have been lucky enough to see, I have no idea what it is... I just feel blessed! :-) I've put a larger version of this photograph in the anomalies section of The Pictures...
Remember this? It's called sunshine. It's got nothing to do with the blog, but I put it in because it's such a novelty...
Advert in local paper:
'Used Cars - Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!'
My daughter has just got rid of her old car. It has sat mournfully in the front garden for a long, long, long time. It has been waiting for something to happen. For a new owner perhaps, or to become a home for the family lurcher, or possibly just to rot peacefully away. Option A was the preferred solution, and by golly, after a year and a half, that's what we got. Lovely people came at lunchtime today and towed it away. We all felt a terrible sense of loss as they set off with an 'on tow' sign in the back window and the hazards going as they drove up the hill. Now, where once the proud beast stood at rest, nothing but empty space remains. Empty space and weeds that is.
It's a strange thing when you part with a car. We form attachments to them, and when they go we feel a real sense of grief... It's like an old friend has gone, a companion, a special someone who travelled so many miles with us and kept us safe. We really miss them!
One of the most hideous cars I ever owned was a brown sunbeam alpine. Remember those? It was so knackered you couldn't lock the doors, and the reason for that was because the key was stuck solid in the ignition. I used to park it up with the window down and hope someone would nick it. They never did. Under the bonnet everything was green. Inside the car everything was green. For a brown car it was very green. Everything was worn out, dirty, nasty and completely horrible. But you know what? The whole family loved it.
When 'poo' (as we affectionately called it) went to the wreckers, and it's place on the drive was taken by a shiny, silver volvo, we all cried our hearts out. In that moment I would have gladly put the volvo in the crusher and rescued my old banger from it's final flattening...
Now we only have our memories to comfort us... :-(
Oh well - never mind!
Perhaps someone can enlighten me... I have never been 'healthier' in my whole life, but I feel just awful most of the time. I no longer smoke or drink, I rarely eat meat or wheat, the coffee has gone, and my diet these days consists mainly of water, fresh vegetables and fruit. Pretty soon I'll be living off air and bugger all else. I cannot tolerate shops, especially supermarkets - it's the lighting, and the energy of the people that disorientates me. I feel unwell travelling, and in buildings (even my own house). The computer and tv make me feel sick, I'm extremely sensitive to noise and bright lights, and the only time I feel vaguely 'normal' is when far away from anyone, out in the country, with just the trees for company!
Is this it? Is this how my life is going to be from now on? Am I never going to be able to go out to dinner and enjoy myself like everyone else?
Sometimes I think I've got some kind of pay back. For all the years I was too busy to listen to the promptings of my body. I would ignore it, sedate it and subdue it. I pushed it far beyond its limits, and then a bit more. Stress? You bet! If you fill yourself up with enough stimulants and sedatives, your body has no voice. It just survives the best it can. Now I've cleaned up my system, my body NEVER stops talking to me! My ego too is having a field day, and it's a job to keep it under control. It is amazing what stories a mind can tell.
It's so ironic! I've gone to all this effort, and now I cannot even take time out with a glass of wine, because I know how truly dreadful it will make me feel... Perhaps the truth is, the discomfort is all about beginning to feel who I really am. Without the props, the distractions and the sedatives, there is no one in here but me. Perhaps I am meeting myself for the first time since infancy. Perhaps I've just got to make friends with me...
In the meantime, it's sleep, water and fresh air that's keeping me going. At least I'm going to be a lot thinner!
I love the sound of summer rain... No - I really, really do.
I love to lie in bed with the windows open and listen to that special sound that has no name. I love the gentleness and the sweetness that it brings to my garden. I love the veil it drops around my house that keeps me feeling safe. I love the smell of it, and the touch of it...
However... I am beginning to wonder if the Great Flood might not be coming after all. Surely we've had 40 days and 40 nights of non-stop rain by now! If I was a boat builder, I would seriously be considering my options.
I took this picture a couple of days ago. A gap had appeared in the cloud and I bolted for freedom. It didn't last long, and within an hour or so, the leaves on the trees were being splattered with giant droplets, and running water and puddles were popping up out of the ground right, left and centre. England is beyond saturated.
Looking out of my window I see it's raining again now, and there is no sign of a break in the cloud. My garden has become the perfect environment for frogs, newts and other amphibians (there is always an upside), my house is leaking (not sure there's an upside to that), and the family wash pile is now so enormous, because we can't get anything dry, that we are in very real danger of being buried beneath it (a hideous thought indeed).
There is a well known saying... 'if you can't beat them, join them!', and I think that applies very well to our weather. There is nothing to be done about it, we cannot change it, so it seems to me the best thing to do is put on a coat with a decent hood, pull on a pair of wellington boots and just get out into it! There is something very special about walking through the woods in a downpour. Usually there is no one else dotty enough to be out in it, and so you have the place to yourself. It feels wonderful to be amongst the trees when the rain is falling - somehow very special and ancient connections can be made with the beings of the woods at such times. When the rivers are high it is exhilarating and exciting! I love watching the water crashing and surging past on it's hungry way to the sea. And best of all, I like to think Mother Nature's arterial systems are flowing beautifully, and she is feeling good, good, good! :-)
A Story for You...
Once Upon a Time, in a land much nearer than you think, dwelt a Wizard in a tall blue hat. With one eye he saw the World as you and I see it. He saw cars and caravans, shops and ships, buses and bugels. But with the other eye he saw the World as it really is...
Idris Duir lived in a round house. The walls were curved and built in a large circle. The roof sloped inwards and upwards like a cone, and met in a point at the top. A chimney stack puffed smoke, and sometimes steam, depending on the Magic.
When the Wizard looked through his Right eye he saw the Universe. He saw the swirling galaxies, and space and time running out... He saw infinity spinning as great knots of time, tumbling like bundles of wool upon the floor. He saw Lights and Vibrations, he saw Fractals and Energy. He saw the Truth. He saw the common sense of it all, and he could fathom it. He understood - and his life held meaning and purpose.
But when the Wizard looked through his Left eye, the World was very different. He saw resentment and pain, misery and shame. He saw bitterness and sadness, guilt and madness. All the people were unhappy - and so was He. He watched them chase time and never catch it. He saw them fight each other and pretend to Love. He saw them desperate and greedy, fearful and needy - and He felt it too.
One day Idris Duir heard a terrible sound. It was the cries of all the Children of the World - the little ones he knew through his Right eye as 'The Lights'. He closed his left eye, and asked The Lights whatever was the matter?
The Lights laughed and played in the spaces around his head. They told him he had work to do, because the World of the left eye had become weary of the wars and the conflict and the selfishness that created lack. He had to step up, and make his magic.
"But I do not want to see you through my left eye" said Idris Duir "Because I know you will not be laughing then! You will be unhappy, and the pain of the madness is too much for me!"
The Lights laughed at his concern and told him not to be afraid. "After all" they said "You of all people know how it really is!"
Idris Duir did not want to hear the cries of the children. He did not want to look at it. He held his hand over his left eye and refused to open it.
The Lights became more insistent, and told him his time had come. He was a Wizard, and Wizards have jobs to do. His power was needed in the World of the left eye.
Idris Duir let his hand drop and opened his eye. All at once he was assailed with the madness. The laughter of The Lights became the cries of the children. All over the World the little ones called out to him... "Help us! Help us!"
As darkness fell, the Wizard took his Magic and his courage and left his round house. He flew through the chimney stack in a woosh of steam and became a cloud in the darkening sky.
The task at hand was enormous in the World of the left eye. It is so much harder to change things here with just a thought, and it is so much harder to make sense of a world that has none.
Idris Duir set his intention. He would change this world.
He would speak to all the Water of the World. He would fall as rain on every continent and join with the streams, the rivers and the oceans. In them, and as them, he would make his Magic work.
As time ran out, Idris Duir was everywhere. He was in every shower, every puddle and every snowflake. He was ice, he was liquid, he was vapour. All of the people in the World of the left eye breathed him in, they drank him and bathed in him. His Magic touched them all. There was not a living soul who was not affected by the pure intention and the Magic of Idris Duir.
He took their anger, their pain and their fear and changed it. He washed away their bitterness, their resentment and their sadness and replaced it. He cooled the tempers and the fevers that created conflict; he warmed the frozen hearts of the people, and he gave the children back their freedom.
Idris Duir did not stop until every child was laughing. When he was done, he closed his eyes, and when he opened them both together, there was a whole new World. Now the children were the Lights, and the Lights were in the children. There was no longer any separation.
Idris Duir knew he had made the changes and his work was done.
He flew out into space and became one with the stars. He's out there now - and always will be...
His round house with the sloping roof and the chimney stack that puffed the smoke and sometimes steam depending on the Magic, is still there.
If you take a deep breath and close your eyes, you might see it...
Holy smoke! This energy work is mind blowing! What is it? Where does it come from? How far does it go? We feel it and we sense it; but at the same time, isn't it just pointless to try to understand something that is, thus far, unknowable?
Probably - but then again, there is nothing wrong with asking a few questions...
Energy experienced as an atmosphere is very intriguing. Normally there is nothing physical to be aware of - you can't see anything untoward (at least most of us can't), but I doubt there are many who haven't walked into a room and not felt something - particularly if the people present have been arguing or involved in some especially energetic exchange of some kind. We can FEEL the energy present in the room. What 'parts' of us feel it? Our minds? I doubt that, the brain is always too busy to notice subtleties. Our mind-chatter doesn't feel... it simply processes - when it's not freaking out.
So what does feel the energy?
I once went house hunting. Times had been difficult for my children and I, and we were looking for a 'safe house' so to speak. I viewed many properties and none of them 'felt' right. In the end I found myself walking up the steps of a terraced stone cottage in a small village very close to Exmoor National Park. The door was large and heavy and opened into a hallway with terracotta tiles on the floor and a stable door at the back that opened out onto a small private garden. Up two more steps to the left and through another door into a large, sunny kitchen and I suddenly burst into tears. The Estate Agent didn't know what to do, she stood there awkwardly, twiddling her particulars... I had been overwhelmed with a welcome I had never felt before. I felt safe and loved by the energy in the house. It was as if I had truly come home. What was it that I was feeling? The house had been empty for some months - there was no one living there... it appeared empty.
It seems to me, this unknowable presence/vibration we call energy IS us - it is our thoughts, our ideas, our physical bodies, and it is all these things in their interconnectedness that 'pick up' and read the energy flowing in the moment. We are swirlling vortices of energy that draw to us similar vibrations, and we are constantly, CONSTANTLY changing... At the time of my visit, the energy in the house exactly matched what we needed. It was a perfect fit - the house comforted us and protected us - at least that's what it FELT like. As we changed, the fit was no longer there, and setting aside the fond attachments that could so easily have held us, we moved on. This is who we are. Constantly changing concentrations of energy, and that is why it seems to me when we remain stuck, we begin to decline. We have to move, expand and experience - that is the nature of existence.
Becoming aware of the presence of energy in ourselves and our environment IS expansive. I love to sit and feel the energy in my body - like a machine she hums and tingles - I feel electrical! I love the energy in the wind and the rain - I feel the excitement and expansion weather brings to my energy body - on wild and stormy nights I dance in the power and become one with it!
An open mind seems to be vital if we are to be receptive to change and transformation. Being in allowance of the new, the different and the extraordinary IS change in itself.
Change, as we know, is the only constant in the Universe; and it is change that weaves the very fabric of Life.
I am too scared to write what I was going to today. My courage has deserted me, and now i find myself in judgment of my own weakness. I was going to share a piece of my history. I was going to bring it out into the open at long last. I was going to shine the light of awareness on this 'something' that writes my daily scripts, and has run so many aspects of my life for decades. But I cannot. I cannot write myself into the depths and darkness of a trauma that haunts me every day of my life and share it so easily. I simply cannot.
Some things go so deep, so far under the surface, so distorted by fear, that to travel there alone might mean never to return.
But I am lucky. I may not be able to write of it just yet, but I am starting to talk about it, and I am starting to cry about it. I am being guided professionally you see, and have assistance in dealing with this past trauma. So many others never have this option. They never have a chance. They live on with the demons trapped inside of them, whispering their lies, persuading and tricking them. I want my demons gone. I want to be free.
I am in the middle of a process that is allowing my mind to go where it needs to go, in order to be free of the emotional attachments to the past. In essence, I am being re-programmed!
What will it look like when I am free? How will it feel? What shall I do? Could I ever be as I was before the events took place?
In truth, I'm not sure I would want to be as I used to be. Surely I must have learned something from it all - something that would have made me a better, wiser, kinder person? Surely there was a purpose in there somewhere?
But looking for a reason, for vaildation of my suffering, means I must still be attached to my trauma. So I'm not there yet. I'm not able to think of the events without a charge, without my investment in the past still firmly in place.
But it is better.
One day, and if I know in the sharing someone else might benefit, I will write of it. I will find my courage and speak of things that are going on to others all over the world in this moment. Not wars or domestic violence, but things that can happen to anyone at anytime, no matter who they are.
Until then, this will be enough - it's a start after all.
writer, photographer &