Our children are our very Soul reflected back to us. They are shining fragments of ourselves that are supposed to live on when we are gone. We are not supposed to have to bury them. We are not supposed to live without them.
To lose a child is to die inside, but still be alive to feel the pain of separation - the pain of loss - the pain of 'if only'.
In my past I watched as others, who had become my friends, lose their children to cancer. I watched it, I was part of it... and I held my breath. Every day I wondered if it would be me collecting up a few little clothes from an empty bed, and walking down the corridor alone. Every day I wondered when the nightmare would end, and she and I would be together in the sun again.
Do we always remember what we have - with these awesome children of ours? Do we take stock every day, and remember how lucky we are to see their dear faces, feel their warm hands clasped in ours, and bask in the sunshine of their smiles. Do we remember how lucky we are to hear them chatter and laugh? Do we?
Or are we so wrapped up in our silly, selfish lives, that they are pushed aside, ignored and for the most part forgotten.
Many people do not know what they have. Absent parents live on while their children grow and change, and perhaps never think of them at all... until the end comes. But we can never be separated from each other - not really - because they ARE us, and we ARE them. Parents who are too busy, too occupied and too obsessed with their own lives to consider their children, also feel the pain of being unloved and overlooked. They may not admit it, but if our children are in pain, so are we, whether we acknowledge it or not. We may not know why we feel so empty and hollow, but instead of looking at what we already have in the joy of our children, we try to fill the space with something else - getting more money to buy something new, something throw away the next day, something empty just like us.
The suffering of my dear friend is overwhelming to know. There is nothing to be said or done to take the pain away. She has lost her precious light and my heart cries for her, every day.
I would not wish anyone, no matter who they are, to not know how lucky they were, until there is no going back.