Minutes passed, as minutes do, and still I stood looking into the fading light. What was I waiting for? What was I hoping for?
I have this terrible yearning inside of me. I do not know what it is - I only know I feel it. I want to stand, or sit or lie on the ground and never move. I want to be as a tree, rooted to mother earth and with my head in the clouds. When the evening is coming, and the sky falls down as it does on these late summer days - when the stars begin to show themselves and a certain magic begins to weave through the spaces around me - I never want to move. I never want to return to the world of men.
We lead such tiny lives! Our houses suffocate us with their double glazing and their insulation, keeping out the life that we really are. We stay so small with our little gadgets and daily distractions. God forbid, we should ever just sit and be... We wrap ourselves up so tightly in the straight-jackets of daily dramas and personal conflict, we do not even know what we are. We do not even begin to feel a shred of the reality of our infinite nature.
We are as if half-dead already - most of our life is never touched - never felt - never known.
So is this terrible yearning coming from the Truth inside of me? I think it is.
The Truth. My Truth. Who and what I really am.
Standing in the field of dreams, I get a little closer. I am more aware of my body, my beingness - my breath. But even there I cannot get out of my head. I cannot stop the noise of the hamster in the cage as it goes round and round with the same old thoughts... the same old limitations... the same old sets of beliefs. I cannot hear the whispers on the wind over the rattle of my mind on its journey to nowhere.
I feel lonely, but people tire me. They complain so much - they rarely speak of light or love. Sometimes they look at me as if I were mad. I wonder then... who is really living in the madness? Perhaps I should join them in theirs? Perhaps I should swallow their bitter pills of envy, regret, resentment and hate. Perhaps I could get rid of my yearning by medicating myself with their negative prescription for life?
I think not. I do not think that is my way. Nature, Life and the Universe have been generous enough to show me that there really is more. I have seen it. I have felt it.
I am greedy and I want more - MUCH more! And the truth is I know I can have it, right now, if I can just get out of my head...
I feel as if I have a purpose - a true purpose - and that purpose is right here, right now, but I cannot see it, and I do not know what it is. Knowing it is there, but not being able to access it, adds to the terrible yearning - adds to the loneliness.
Oh to be still enough and quiet enough to hear the gentle voice that speaks the Truth.
In the field of dreams I will keep waiting, and listening to the whispers on the wind.